by Amanda Hahner 

Over the years, the Lord has patiently and faithfully been teaching me much in the area of contentment, expectations, and trusting Him for my future.

During the past few years, I have looked on as the Lord brought a godly young man into my older sister’s life—they experienced a God-honoring courtship, got married, and have had two children! Though it has been an exciting time for all of us, it has also been a time of testing of my faith. Would I trust God to provide such a godly, upright man for me in the future, with seemingly no one on the horizon? Where could my future husband possibly come from? Will I be single for the rest of my life?

Trusting GOD’S goodness leads to peace

The Lord promises perfect peace to those whose minds are stayed on Him, because they trust in Him (Isaiah 26:3). The enemy wants to place seeds of doubt in our minds about God’s goodness and whether or not He has a plan for us. Sisters, our times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15)! How can we so doubt our Father’s ability to provide what is best for us? How can we doubt that the One Who formed the universe is able to provide a husband for us if He sees fit? How can we allow our faith to waver about God’s perfect plan for our future on this earth when His eternal plan for us was accomplished by sending His Son to die in our place?

The love of our FATHER conquers fear 

Our loving Father does not want us to live in anxiety and fear; He desires for us to trust Him fully and to rejoice in His goodness! Though we may not understand what He is doing in our lives right now, we can trust that all He does is for our good (Romans 8:28). As George Mueller once said,

“The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

Our God is mighty and powerful, and is able do beyond what we could even imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Though it results in our own pain, we are so quick to lean on our own understanding instead of choosing to rely on the Lord. Yet He desires for us to learn true faith in His mighty power.

Expectations ruin relationships

Another area that the devil wants us to give into is the area of expectations. We may have the picture of exactly what we think our future husband should be like, how we should meet him, what type of personality he should have, and even what he should look like. We can also tend to think that life will be so much better, or that we will have so much more direction in life when we get married. These expectations can be very dangerous, as we may cut off possibilities and opportunities the Lord has for us—and when our husband does not fulfill our expectations, then misunderstanding, anger, and bitterness can follow.

Only JESUS satisfies 

Another perilous expectation we can tend to have is that a husband can truly make us feel loved, fulfilled and happy. Though God has designed marriage for us to enjoy, absolutely no man could ever completely fulfill or satisfy our souls. A husband will at times disappoint us, but Christ will never disappoint. Truly, there is only one place that we can find completion, and that is in Christ alone (Colossians 2:10). Only He can bring true and lasting joy, as the Lover of our souls. He is the fulfillment of our deepest desires, and supplies all our need through His riches in glory (Psalm 73:26, Philippians 4:19, Lamentations 3:24-26).

Instead of looking to a man, we must seek true satisfaction from the Living Water, Jesus Christ (Psalm 107:9, John 4:13-14).

We must ask ourselves this: “What am I putting my hope and joy in?” If it is not the Lord, then we will never find true satisfaction. Everything else will fail us, but our God will never fail. “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore” (Psalm 16:11). May we long for Christ so much more than we do for a husband (Psalm 63:1-5)!

Psalm 84:11 promises that “no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” Sisters, this is not a promise of a happy, romantic future. Instead, it is a promise that God will work all things out in our life for our good, and for His greatest glory! As I reflect back on the time of my sister’s courtship, I see clearly that my struggles were rooted in a very self-centered attitude. Because I was not fully trusting and resting in the Lord, I could not experience the fullness of joy He wanted me to have in rejoicing with my sister, or resting in His purposes for me during that season. It is when our eyes are on ourselves and how we wish things could be that we cannot see the special gifts and service the Lord has for us in the present.

“I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.”
(Psalm 16: 8-9)

For now, the “good” promised to you and I in Psalm 84 may be continuing to serve in our families, lightening Mom’s load, looking for a way to bless Dad, spending time with a sibling, making meals, or cleaning the bathroom; perhaps writing a letter of encouragement, ministering to someone who is lost, hurting, or in need. Maybe the purpose behind the “wait” is even the Lord simply wanting to teach us lessons of humility, love and servanthood! As long as we are diligently listening to His voice and obeying what He has called us to do, this is the good He has promised, and we can rejoice, knowing that we are bringing honor to His name (Psalm 40:8). We can have full confidence knowing that it is for our good, and for our sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3).

The other vital part of this is that we must be very careful to watch over our thoughts. Throughout our lives, we will undoubtedly meet various young men, and sometimes will wonder, “Could he be the ‘one’?” We must choose to be very guarded in our thoughts, and not allow them to be filled with fantasies and daydreams. As my parents have encouraged me in the past, it is positive to recognize and appreciate godly character in a young man; however, that does not give me an excuse to allow thoughts of him to pervade my heart and mind.

There have been times that I have struggled with this, and have wasted valuable moments and thoughts, instead of taking these thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

The Lord gently convicted me of this sin in my life, and has helped me by using a prayer target. If you struggle with your thoughts, I would encourage you to try this simple practice. Choose someone that needs prayer—for salvation, for spiritual or physical ailments, or any other need.

Whenever you struggle with thoughts about a certain young man, pray for the person or situation you have chosen. There is such power in choosing to fight against the devil’s tactics. “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). The Lord has allowed me to experience such freedom and victory over these thoughts when I have simply used a prayer target (1 Corinthians 10:13).

So, is it wrong to hope for marriage and a family of our own? I believe that God places these desires in our hearts; however, He desires for us to completely surrender them to Him. Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines “surrender” this way: “The act of yielding or resigning one’s person or the possession of something, into the power of another.”

This is our high calling—to give our lives entirely to the Lord for His service. Any dreams and expectations we may have must be given over completely to the Lord, so that He can use us freely in the ways He sees as best.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”
(Romans 12:1)

Let us lay aside the sin that so easily weighs us down, and let us run the race before us with endurance, keeping our eyes on Jesus, Who is the Author and Finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2)!

—Amanda Hahner

Photography by Acacia T.