by Abigail and Joy Vergeer

Once upon a time, there were two sisters who thought they were nothing alike…

One had short brown hair and brown eyes, the other had long blonde hair and blue eyes. One worked with children, the other with the elderly. One dreamed of being a missionary, the other ministered in familiar places. One was dependable and confident, the other easygoing and quiet. These two girls were different indeed, but they were united through Jesus Christ.

Hi! We’re Joy and Abigail! And although we are different, we share the same passion—serving our Lord Jesus Christ! Our differences remind us that God has placed us together as sister-partners in accomplishing His desires. We are His hands and His feet; we are fellow laborers for Christ.

“Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be like-minded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: that ye may, with one mind and one mouth, glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(Romans 15:5-6)

Praying together is one way we can glorify God “with one mind and one mouth.”

Two years ago, we made a pact and promised to keep it for the rest of our lives. It was a formal agreement between the two of us, sealed with a solemn handshake (followed by laughter, of course!). Every month we agree on a “prayer focus,” and together we appeal to God for that request every day. This has been PHENOMENAL! We have witnessed God’s transforming power more than ever before.

Here’s an answered prayer that still inspires us. In April, we began to faithfully pray for a Christian man who had lost his wife and hadn’t handled it well. He didn’t answer anyone’s letters, calls or emails. He did occasionally respond to our parents’ texts, but only to say he was not doing well. This went on for almost a year. YET, less than a week after we began praying for him every day, he CALLED with news that was music to our ears: “I’m ready to meet with you; can we talk?” Their conversation lasted several hours, and, by God’s grace, he began to work through some of his pain.

“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.”
(Matthew 18:20)

Earnestly encourage, intentionally invest, eagerly exhort…

From time to time, I forget that God has hand-picked Abigail and I (Joy) to be sisters for a specific purpose, and I begin to feel apathetic about investing in her life. However, as we develop our relationship with the Lord, He gives us the motivation to continually do good for our sisters. Furthermore, we can spur each other “unto love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Challenging each other to memorize Scripture is a great way to do that. I can also think of numerous times when Abi challenged me to a “no-negativity” contest or a “bless-our-brothers” week.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
(Philippians 2:3-4)

Value each other’s words like a best friend would.

Recently, while reminiscing a special event, Joy suddenly said, “Abi, it meant so much to me that you stayed up late that night and let me tell you all about it even though you were really tired. That meant more to me than anything you’ve ever done for me…ever!”
Ever?! I had no idea it meant so much.

We’re learning to listen to each other…and not just listen, but sincerely care what the other says. It takes a little extra time, but in the end, the fellowship of a sister lasts a lifetime.

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
(Galatians 6:2)

Forgive and invest in each other.

We are immeasurably far from perfect, yet God is gently teaching us to become unified in our differences so that we may advance His kingdom. We have disputes and disagreements, but we always purpose to pray for unity, and not “let the sun go down on our anger” (Eph. 4:26). It is so important not to hold a grudge, but instead, to forgive and keep giving. Try to invest in each other not expecting, or even hoping, for anything in return.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)

The Lord created the relationship between sisters and He prizes it!
He wants to grant us a rich abundant relationship with each other. When the Lord is the center of our relationship, He can do so much through us. It is a beautiful thing to see how He shows himself strong on our behalf as we seek to glorify Him in the way we treat each other.

Our prayer…

Lord, please grant us the desire to love each other unconditionally. Help us to develop Your heart for one another. We ask that You would make us best friends. Help us to support, encourage, and spur each other on to love and good works. Father, please help us to develop the skill of conflict resolution so that nothing can divide us. Help us to forgive each other, to overlook offenses, and to use our words carefully. Thank You for perfectly placing us where we are; may we use every opportunity to further Your kingdom, that You may be glorified.

Love,

Abigail and Joy, your sisters and co-laborers in Christ

“We are labourers together with God…”
(1 Corinthians 3:9)

Photography by Ashton Sweeney

by DeLane Moore

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
(Psalm 133:1)

Hello Sisters!

“Togetherness” is a word used by my mama quite often to describe spending time together as a family. In the afternoons, we hear her voice ringing through the house saying, “Everyone gather! We’re going to read together!” And we all meet up – either in our cozy living room around the wood stove or on our pleasant front porch with rocking chairs and a porch swing. “Togetherness” means a lot to our parents. You know, I think our heavenly Father designed us to desire and crave special family time. He uses it mightily in our lives.

One of the best ways to spend time with family is to be in the Word of God together. My daddy is very diligent to lead us in family worship and Bible reading. We love singing together and reflecting on what the Lord has done and is doing for us. On busy days when daddy has to get out the door for work, our mother has also been faithful to share the Bible with us. She has helped us memorize many Scripture passages together.

We have some really fun family traditions. I will share one with you. Every single Friday night, we have “Family Night” in our big open family room. Some things we like to do are watch videos (God-glorifying documentaries and occasional feature-length films with Biblical principles), read, and play games. Our mother likes to make a special supper for that night, and every first Friday of the month we have a “coffee party” for dessert. We also sleep on blankets and air mattresses covering the floor. I hope this tradition will be long-lasting throughout future generations. All of us look forward to Family Night.

My siblings and I have a few simple and fun ways we like to spend time together. We enjoy taking walks, riding bikes, reading, swimming, listening to audiobooks, and just talking and sharing things we did throughout the day. We also enjoy playing instruments together. We play by ear, so that’s a great way to practice living together in “harmony”!

We also enjoy working together. Planting a garden is a great way to spend time with family. Many of my garden memories consist of cultivating hearts while cultivating a garden! We enjoy talking and singing while hoeing and weeding. When canning time rolls around, we are about ready to drop, but we help each other along and eventually get it done. The end result outweighs the hard work. I love the phrase, “Many hands make light work.” That phrase is used often in our home, and it gives us a good outlook on pitching in and helping out.

Living in unity with family is also practice and preparation for all of life. As believers, we will likely live most of our days interacting on some level with brothers and sisters in Christ. At home, we have the opportunity to experience and glean what it means to die to self, forgive, and love when it is hard. This humbling and sanctifying of our souls prepares us for living alongside the body of Christ and loving well — like JESUS.

“My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.”
(1 John 3:18-19)

I have shared some practical ways our family works to cultivate that spirit of “togetherness,” but we are all familiar with the challenges facing us in the small moments of the day. So what are some practical principles to apply to our sibling relationships in the ways we interact and think about them?

(Note to any only-child: You are not excluded from this message! These principles ought to be applied to all the beautiful people God has placed in our lives. So, please read on and be encouraged to love more fully and graciously all those in your life!)

1. Realize each of your family members is specially made in the image of God

Every individual is precious, designed by God for His glory and purposes. Embracing our siblings and parents (and everyone in our life!) with all their delightful quirks and personality differences really starts with a heart of gratitude to God for each precious life. Not only that… But have you ever thought about the fact that God creates each family uniquely for a purpose? His design plans are always perfect. So, when you begin to become ungrateful or bitter either because of a sibling that knows how to push your every button or because you don’t have that older brother or little sister that you’ve always wanted, remember that HE IS GOOD. And He has the best in store for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He deserves our continual gratitude! This will spill forth into a greater appreciation for each sibling and brother and sister in Christ.

2. Live and love in light of God’s grace for you

It is not always easy to get along with everyone in our home. But the way we handle challenges reveals who we really are. We should love our siblings and parents just as they are. We need to pray for each other every day. We don’t always have the right hearts while working and playing together, but we strive to do better, by God’s grace, in everything we do! And this must be our anthem: GOD’S grace. Without His grace displayed on the cross, we wouldn’t know what sacrificial love is. Without His grace working in our souls to draw us to Himself, we wouldn’t know how beautiful this unconditional love is. So, we can all love better as we live in light of the grace of our heavenly Father.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am: and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than them all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”
(1 Corinthians 15:10)

3. Put others before yourself!

How many of you have thought at some point how willing you would be to die for Christ? I have, only to be humbled the next moment by His whisper in my ear, “How willing are you to live for Me?” In living for Christ during the little moments of every day, we must be ready to die to our flesh. Our merciful Lord has filled our life with so many “opportunities.” Little brother wants the last cookie…but so do you. Sister has not finished her laundry and is now playing or reading a book, but then mother asks you to finish the laundry for her. Older brother would appreciate you running an errand for him, but it will take you far out of your way. The list goes on…and again, even without siblings, we are all faced with these similar moments. Would you join me in choosing to die to self and live to Christ…one moment at a time?

“Our goal is not productivity, but holiness. Not speed, but obedience. Not success, but surrender.” —John Piper

What’s most important…

In order for any of the above to be lived out and embraced as beautiful, one thing is most necessary: Relationship with CHRIST. This must come first. It is foundational, this seeking of Jesus. Without Him, our lives our a ruin and our relationships are falling apart. Only in and through Christ can we hope to love our siblings, parents, and dear family in Christ as He has called us to. I encourage you, sisters, wake in the morning in pursuit of Jesus, immerse your heart and mind in His Word. Then, throughout your day, seek His face (Psalm 27:8). He is near. He longs to hear your heart. Even more than your sacrifice, He desires your steadfast love. And He desires knowledge of Him more than burnt offerings (Hosea 6:6). Because HE knows this is where it must begin. The most love you can show to your family and friends is in how you choose to invest in your relationship with JESUS.

Then we may begin to outpour that relationship, contributing grace and peace to our homes.

“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
(Proverbs 17:17)

Please share in the comments below, what can you do to help create this atmosphere of unity and love amongst your siblings, parents, and friends?

– DeLane

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We’d like to hear from you in the final issue of KBR Magazine

by Andrea Nymeyer

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.”
(Proverbs 31:11)

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why won’t they trust me?”

I sure have. Usually I’m speaking of my parents or some other authority.

When we ask, “Why won’t they trust me?” we don’t realize that we have it all backward. The true question is, “Am I trustworthy?” Dwight L. Moody said, “If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself.” Instead of griping that others do not trust us, we should be caring for our character and making sure we are worthy of trust.

Proverbs 31 describes the model virtuous woman. The very first attribute of this woman is this: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (Proverbs 31:11).  What is it about the Proverbs 31 woman that makes her worthy of her husband’s trust? She loves him enough to earn that trust, putting his interests before her own. Our heavenly Father sets us the most beautiful example of trustworthiness. Only because we know the character of the Lord as revealed in Scripture can we rest with such confidence in the Name of Jesus. “How excellent is Thy lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Thy wings” (Psalm 36:7). Thus our longing to be trusted is the outpouring of a desire to be more like Jesus. Trustworthiness is a valuable and essential character trait that must be cultivated diligently. How then do we become trustworthy?

My pastor preached a message several years ago with an acrostic about building and keeping trust. Following is his outline with my own Bible verses, comments, and illustrations.

T – Tell the Truth.

“The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.”                                                                                                     (Proverbs 12:19)

Truth is the core of the Gospel and therefore, the core of the Christian life. It is what has set us free from the clutches of sin (John 8:32). So let us not pass by or treat as trivial what is one of the most powerful testimonies of our faith. Speaking truth is yet another form of the overflow of that love we see Christ exemplifying for us. “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour; for we are members one of another” (Ephesians 4:25). Let us hold up the truth as the light by which we walk on a daily basis so that others might trust us even in the smallest of matters. A person who does not consistently tell the truth cannot be trusted.

Every morning when my siblings and I come in from the barn, someone in our family will ask one of the younger children, “Did you wash your hands?” Often when the child responds, “Yes,” the older sibling will respond, “Are you sure?”

Why do we ask them this? Because the child is not yet trustworthy. This is expected from a five-year-old, but you and I are no longer five. We must develop a habit of telling the truth every time if we want to build our parents’ trust in us. How can we develop this habit when we have already caught ourselves speaking lies? “Think before you speak.” We should not allow a word to pass from our lips before discerning our motive for speaking.

When our hearts desire to please the Lord, our words will be a powerful testament to that desire. “Teach me Thy way, O Lord; I will walk in Thy truth: unite my heart to fear Thy name” (Psalm 86:11). 

R – Remember Your Words and Promises.

“Whoso boasteth himself of a false gift is like clouds and wind without rain.”                                                                                                                     (Proverbs 25:14)

This one really gets me. I’m an incredibly scatterbrained person, and it’s easy to prove myself untrustworthy simply because I forgot what I said ten minutes ago. If we want to be trustworthy, we must put a high priority on accomplishing the things we promise to do.

Taking the time to write things down can be extremely helpful. Prayer lists and to-do lists and lists of all sorts might be some of the most helpful tools in encouraging us to remember the promises we have made. The more faithfulness we apply in recalling commitments to mind and performing that which we have promised, the more those in our lives will feel just how loved and treasured they truly are. 

U – Understand the Challenge.

“Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?”
(Proverbs 6:28)

I know well that if I walk on hot coals from a fire, my feet will be burned. I have no trust in those coals not to burn my feet. Trustworthiness is not an easy character trait to develop. Messing up just once causes others to lose trust in me. Trust cannot be demanded; it is earned. Letting someone down repeatedly causes an even greater lack of trust.

When I do the accounting for my dad’s company, I have a reputation for making mistakes while my sister Dee rarely makes mistakes. It is not uncommon for my dad to say, “Let’s leave this project for Dee to complete.” Just as I would never trust hot coals on my feet, my family has been “burned” often enough and badly enough by my work that they do not trust me. Building trust is incredibly difficult, especially if the person has been hurt repeatedly.

Recognizing the challenge that is set before us to earn the trust of others should help us in not being impatient or angry when they may still find trusting us difficult. The way we love and serve them through the challenges will only increase our growing trustworthiness. The refining and pruning will feel that much more worth the pains as those pains also yield deeper and more fruitful relationships.

S – Stay Steady.

“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.”         (Luke 16:10)

My life is not “exciting” by many standards. I live at home, do schoolwork, and help my parents. But do you know what? Trust is not built on the big and extraordinary. Trust is built on faithfulness in little things. Do I wash the dishes with a good attitude? Are my chores done without my having to be reminded? Am I attentive to my family member’s needs? Faithfulness in these seemingly small areas builds trust. These seemingly small areas are in fact treasures from heaven that have been entrusted to us. “Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights…” (James 1:17a).

Sisters, we can find the beauty in the soap and water washing dishes clean, in the messy, laughing face of a little brother, and in the laundry piled high. Seeing God’s grace in everything small and mundane allows us to walk more faithfully because we are living in the light of the glorious grace of the cross and purpose of our Lord in every detail of life. By His grace, we can look forward to hearing, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord” (Matthew 25:21).

T – Take the Time.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”                                                                                              (Galatians 6:9)

What if I said, “I’ve been trustworthy to my parents for a whole week! I should have earned their trust by now!” Would you think I was crazy? Yes! We know that it takes faithfulness and time to build trust – much longer than a week.

If you’ve ever tried to tame an animal, you know that one quick move of your hand can destroy the progress that you’ve made in building its trust. It takes hours and even days to gain an animal’s trust, and it takes years of faithfulness to earn the trust of a person – especially your parents who know your imperfections.

Do you need to built trust? Don’t get discouraged!

God’s loving mercy surrounds us, never leaving us alone in our efforts to follow His Son. “Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). As we strive to walk faithfully, earning the trust of our parents and others in our lives, we must find ourselves abiding in the Author and Finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).

“The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: Thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of Thine own hands” (Psalm 138:8). He will help you to build and keep trust so that it can be said of you, too, that the heart of your authority trusts in you!

– Andrea Nymeyer

In what ways do you strive to build trust with your parents? Leave a comment below!

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If you’re interested in writing a guest post for KBR Ministries, click here.

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Current Issue of KBR Magazine: Faithful Stewardship

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by Sarah W.

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to have a good relationship with my siblings.”

Is this your reaction when you hear about sibling relationships?
It was mine for many years. As my younger siblings are adopted, they had behavioral problems that caused tension in our family. Yet God showed me, over time, that I couldn’t run away from the problems; in fact, He wanted me to persevere in loving my siblings. These relationships are special – so worth investing in and cultivating!

I’d like to share with you some tips I’ve learned along the way.

First, pray for your siblings (Ephesians 6:18). Your siblings have very deep needs. Prayer helps them, as well as your attitude toward them! I remember one day in particular when one sibling had been particularly troublesome. That evening during family devotions, when it was my turn to pray, I began to pray for each of my siblings by name. As I was doing this, this particular sibling started crying! He became genuinely sorry for the problems he’d caused that day. God is so faithful to work through prayer.

“Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,
and watching thereunto with all perseverance
and supplication for all saints.”
(Ephesians 6:18)

Pray for your siblings daily during your quiet time, or when you wake up in the night, or when they are having a difficult time. Colossians 1:9-12 and Ephesians 3:14-21 are passages you can pray for them.

Evaluate yourself. Do you have right relationships with God and with your parents? Are you walking humbly with the Lord, confessing your own sins (1 John 1:9)? Are you honoring your parents? Are you following Biblical commands in relating to your siblings (Ephesians 4:31)? Our siblings watch our lives, and they sense whether we are genuine or hypocritical about our walk with the Lord.

Break down walls. Is there something that you can do to remove something that is hindering your fellowship with a sibling? An unconfessed sin, a misunderstanding, a past hurt? Be willing to open the conversation with them and discuss these things, repent if needed, and express your desire to rebuild the relationship. It can be painful, but communication is so important.

Have compassion on your siblings. Learn to be sensitive to what your siblings are feeling or going through, and listen to them. My attitude towards my younger adopted sister, in particular, changed when I stopped to think about what she had gone through in the past. She experienced more pain and instability in her first three years (before coming home) than I have ever known. It took me years to realize this. Jesus Christ had incredible compassion on people during His earthly ministry, and we are His hands and feet on earth now for our siblings!

“Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to Me.”
(Matthew 25:45)

Persevere. There will be days when you feel overwhelmed and don’t want to keep loving, keep investing, or keep trying…but don’t give up. Seek God’s strength to press on, asking for His love to share with your siblings.  There was a point when I wanted to give up and I felt like my siblings would never change, but God has worked in our relationships and they have changed so much. I am watching God work in their hearts and it’s really exciting (Galatians 6:9)!

“And let us not be weary in well doing:
for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
(Galatians 6:9)

Most importantly: be faithful to God.

The Lord knows you and your needs; He knows your siblings, and He has a reason for putting you together! He is using these relationships to sanctify you and give you opportunities to grow in Christ-like character – so embrace them and trust God to bring forth amazing, wonderfully impossible results – as you obey Him! It’s not always easy, but God’s grace is sufficient!

“But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”
(Matthew 19:26)

We would like to hear your ideas for how to work through difficulties in sibling relationships. How has God answered prayer as you have prayed and persevered? Share in a comment below!

-Sarah W.

P.S. Here are more articles on sibling relationships:

 

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If you’re interested in writing a guest post for KBR Ministries, click here.

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Current Issue of KBR Magazine: Cultivating a Heart at Home

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