by Rachel Pinkerton

“Who is your best friend?” I was often asked as a child.

You know, that question that young people like to ask their friends. But I knew how to avoid arousing jealousy. “Jesus!” I would exclaim with all the innocence of a well-churched little girl. I really did love Jesus that much, at least in my mind.

But my answer would bother me a little because I did not treat Jesus like He was my best friend. In fact, I basically preferred to do anything other than God-related activities. Finally, it troubled me enough to do something about it. I began reading the Bible consistently and praying often.

As the years went by, I continued these habits faithfully, but it seemed so one-sided. To complicate matters, I turned twelve and embarked upon that beautiful transition from girlhood to womanhood. Enter all the physical, mental, and emotional changes.

For the next three years, I felt like I was in a perpetual polar night, and I came to a point of deep despair. I had been striving to be close to God, to make my life acceptable to Him, and yet day after day left me with more intense feelings of hopelessness. So I renewed my spiritual efforts with double the zeal.

But at the end of each day, my heart remained aching and longing to be free from the clutches of loneliness that seemed to slowly suffocate me. I knew that God was there, and that He had full knowledge of how I felt. I had cried infinite tears and pled earnestly for deliverance, but none was given. I was at a loss why. I mean, I spent tons of time with Him. I even prayed all throughout the day. What could be wrong?

Then one week, almost every time I sat down with my Bible, it fell open to Matthew 6, and my eyes would land on two verses I had never noticed: verses 22 and 23.

“The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!”

It struck me so deep. I was that body full of darkness. But how? I did so many righteous things! And then one day I read further,

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.”

In that moment, God brought me face to face with the reality of those past years.

My eye was not single. I had another master, and that master was me. I wanted God for me, rather than wanting me for God.

Throughout that week, I allowed those verses and the truth of what my real desires and motivations had been to sink deep down into my heart, and through confession and repentance, God began to change me. He began to change my relationship with Him, and the outpouring of that was a new perspective on my relationships with others which soon transferred into transformed relationships with everyone in my life. It was the beginning of a new life that was beyond my most beautiful dreams and imagination!

Repentance is where you say, ‘I am done going my way.
I am turning around. I’m going God’s way.’
-Richard Owen Roberts

I share my story because there is a powerful point that I believe every Christ-follower needs to understand. It is this: the inside is all God sees and it is all He cares about because ultimately the inward produces the outward. Consider I Samuel 16:7: “Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.”

I had been focused on doing all the right things, but my heart was not surrendered to Christ, so my life was a shipwreck.

Galatians 6 tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance, and that these are supposed to mark the lives of every believer in Jesus! So if these are not what mark your life and overflow your relationships, it isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough or even reading your Bible or praying often enough, but rather it is because something is amiss in your relationship with Jesus. And once it is truly restored, you will have the entirety of the fruit of the Spirit without exception. It is a promise of God!

I want to leave you with two Biblical truths: humility and the fear of the Lord are critical, because with these are riches, honor, and life (Proverbs 22:4).

1. Ask God for a truly humble heart.

You will never come to the kind of repentance necessary for a vibrant relationship with Christ until you let go of your pride and allow God to shine His light on your heart. God tells His people  in Isaiah 57:15,

“For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.”

In the soil of complete humility is the promise of healing and life. What hope!

2. Learn the fear of the Lord.

Basically, this has to do with how much you live in a state of humility. One of the greatest definitions of the fear of the Lord I have heard is that it is living each moment in the realization of who God is and recognizing that He knows the state of the heart. There is absolutely no possibility of hiding from Him. Get to know God! It isn’t enough to read God’s Word and pray… You must seek His face through His Word and in prayer. Note the final word in I Chronicles 16:11: “Seek the LORD and His strength, seek His face continually.”

Romans 12:2 promises that we will “prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God,” when we are “transformed by the renewing of our mind.” Let us say with David, the Psalmist,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
(Psalm 139:23-24)

There is no greater feeling, there is no greater purpose, there is no greater inheritance, and there truly is no greater delight, than a life abundantly filled and overflowing with Jesus, and it was made possible for all His children at the cross. Is this the relationship you have with Jesus? And if you don’t, are you ready to have this? Because, dear child of His, He is waiting for you.

– Rachel

---

If you’re interested in writing a guest post for KBR Ministries, click here.